Hey you guys! I’ve been living on cloud 9 for a few days now. I finally met up with him!!!

Let me first tell you that when I first saw him again, the butterflies were definitely back. We talked and joked a bit, it was extremely nice, casual, simple, easy, and just all around sweet. It flowed with a lot of ease and we ended up having lunch together that same day.

Ok, here comes the freaky part: it turns out we have VERY similar backgrounds and interests. Went to the same schools, picked the same classes, share similar values and opinions about things, same passions, and the timeline of our lives has some funny coincidences (if you can even still call it that at this point).

We had great chemistry throughout the whole conversation (which lasted almost 2 hours). And while you’d think I left with a super excited feeling, I surprisingly left with an extremely peaceful and calm mind. I was also very confident that this was only the beginning, and I just felt sooo at peace. Can’t really explain it, and this feeling came quite unexpected. I would have assumed I’d be feeling hyper instead, but nope! Contentment and peace it was.

My heart still skips a beat when we look at each other in the eyes, it’s like I could literally get lost in them and die lol So strange! It seems to be likewise for him.

I did not mention any of the coincidences to him yet. I might in a more distant future, but not now. It’s still the early stages, and it’s flowing perfectly without synchronicities being mentioned. I did, however, find out that his last relationship apparently broke off around the time my coincidences started on my side, which is pretty damn freaky. Past relationships will probably be discussed further later on, so sooner or later, I will have the exact timeline of it all figured out. It’s just so strange.

Well, when I started writing this blog a year ago, I refused to get into the whole soulmate subject. But I must admit that I’m slowly starting to think I have indeed found my soulmate. And this sounds corny, but my heart feels like it has come home, and that’s the best way I can describe this feeling. It’s all so weird, I’m gonna need a while to digest it all so I can write a more objective post about this later on.

I just got a message from him on my phone, and it sounds like he’s going to ask me out some time next week or so

PS: my gut feeling about the e-mail turned out to be a life saver. While talking to him, a collegue interrupted us for a second to tell him that they had just found out that their professional e-mails hadn’t worked properly for the past month and so messages weren’t coming through. He shrugged and joked it didn’t matter, since he never checks his anyway. Hah! I’m so glad I did not go the e-mail route.

Alright, I read all my past posts yesterday, then gave myself a whole day to digest it all, and now that’s been done, I have firmly decided to do something about the situation. Being a passive spectator of all those freaky coincidences no longer suffices, and I feel I must now react and do something about it to finally make things move forward. If not to be with him, then at least for my own curiosity’s sake, and the satisfaction of finding out the truth behind it all. I am determined to figure out whether this phenomenon really is a cluster of “signs”, or simply tricks of our imagination.

I Googled the subject some more today, and found the results quite frustrating. I basically found:

• people who were in the same situation as me and wondered what was happening to them
• New Age websites continuously mixing up synchronicities with soulmates, claiming they are well understood facts, and seriously explaining how they’re linked to past lives …. blah blah

Uhm, no. Those aren’t answers. And while the past lives topic seriously makes me cringe, I also have to face the fact that it doesn’t look like regular every day confused people – like you and me – have really looked into this yet, or have even attempted to figure it out. Not even on their own personal level (as I’m aware it’s really hard to generalize conclusions and apply them to everybody, since every life is different). I’m no expert in anything, and neither are the people who come to this website looking for answers. New Age theories bore me, and they are actually quite pointless. Because what matters is finding out how far things can really go in real life and in practice. I will find out soon whether my proactive reaction to these synchronicities is the dumbest mistake ever or an amazing leap of faith with great results.

As mentioned in my very first post about the subject: I am very careful about the whole soulmate concept, and I don’t feel comfortable labeling my experience as such yet. The facts are: I have consistently bumped into coincidences revolving around the same person, sometimes to an almost surreal point, but that’s all I know for now, and that’s all I’m gonna have to work with.

I have decided to handle this very objectively, and although it may be hard, I have to keep myself on track without getting carried away by emotions. At least within reason … :p I will now explain my 2-step list of how I’m planning to handle it, and concretely react and take control of the situation.

- Step 1: Keeping in touch with reality
I started a file on my desktop; it’s a list of all the memories I have involving him, back when we interacted on a daily basis. I found it vital to put it all down, and remember the good and the bad days. What felt great, and what felt bad. What he did, and what he didn’t do. What I said, and what he said. Every memory is a precious piece of my puzzle. I realized I had only kept a limited number of memories in mind, which gave me a rather narrow view of what the real situation was several years ago. The rest had been pushed so far back in my head that I had almost forgotten it completely, and now that I have started this list, memories are slowly starting to pop back up. Things I had completely forgotten, interesting memories that didn’t seem meaningful back then and which now look like they might actually be quite important. Our memory is selective, it’s important to gear it back into wide open/neutral mode. Because every piece matters. It also makes me realize that things with him have never been a flawless fairytale, and that certain things did go wrong. They went wrong for a reason. I don’t know all the reasons yet, but this list is slowly helping me figure them out. To my biggest surprise, it has also made me realize my own flaws. Things I didn’t handle right, opportunities I didn’t take when I had the chance to, partly because I was too young and inexperienced. They’re things I know now, and mistakes I wouldn’t make again, and that is already a valuable lesson.

- Step 2: The plan
Since all those coincidences seem to be centered around this one person, only one reaction sticks out as the most obvious: getting back in touch with him, somehow. He seems to be the center of it all, so I must get to the core of this; which is him. I made a list of all the different ways I could possibly contact him:
- I have his phone number
- I have his e-mail address at work
- We have a friend in common (although she doesn’t seem to see him much anymore)
- I live near his work
- He plays in a local band; which has a website with future gigs listed

These are all possibilities for me to either meet him or get in touch with him. Now I have to weed through the list, and decide which would be the most appropriate options and put them in that order. For instance, I dumped the e-mail at the bottom, because it’s stupid to even consider it … “Hello, I just found your work e-mail address and figured I’d say hello … after almost a decade”. Awkwarddd. It also screams “lame and pathetic”, because hiding behind a screen has never been too memorable.

I put our common friend at the top of the list, because it’s a nice way of getting back in touch with people. It’s not awkward and it flows more naturally. So I think I’ll try to push things in that direction first and see how it goes. If it fails, I’ll move on to option 2, and so on. I’m still not sure I’d want to go as far down as e-mailing him though, hahah!

It also feels important to me not to strictly consider him in a romantic way, because maybe there is another purpose behind it all. And although I admit he does look really appealing to me, I have already accepted that we could simply be friends, and that would be perfectly okay.

I have also decided to use this blog as my little motivation diary. It’s easier to stick to things and get them done correctly when you write them down and share them publicly. I’m sure I’ll need. First step for me now: calling our common friend. I haven’t spoken to her in a while, so we should definitely meet up for a drink soon, and then I’ll have to play it by ear as far as he’s concerned. Fingers crossed!

I won’t tell my whole detailed biography, because no one cares and it’s irrelevant anyway, but some strange coincidences that continuously revolve around the same person, have seriously made me wonder about the subject. I did some digging, and found a lot of articles that basically copied or paraphrased each other, and simply lacked substance.

Most of my questions are left unanswered at this point, but I would like to find out more about what it is exactly that triggers those “coincidences” or “synchronicities” as some people call them. And more importantly: are they really that meaningful, or are we just making a big deal out of nothing?

If I analyze all the past coincidences I’ve had, I could rationally eliminate a bunch of them and just call them luck. Like the big billboard that was put up right next to my apartment a few years ago, it had his last name tagged right in the middle, followed with “it’s all you need!”. Of course I couldn’t avoid looking at it every day as I came back home, it was right there in front of me. But if I told you his last name is one of the most common names in the country, you’d quickly throw it out the window. And so will I. Because easy coincidences are not that hard to find if you look for them.

However, although I haven’t seen him in years, things have gotten a bit more disturbing lately. It started about 2 months ago. The one that shocked me the most happened while I was watching a new series on TV. The main character reminded me of him; the resemblance was uncanny. Right before the first episode ended, a child looked up at him and asked him when he was born. He looked at the child and told him his birth-date … I think my heart skipped a beat! The day, month, and year, were EXACTLY the same. I was stunned. And come to think of it, I find myself a bit creepy for actually remembering his birthday after so many years. Hah! But back to the series: I kept asking myself, what were the chances of this ever happening? I mean, really. I’m sure the chances were pretty damn low. (edit: ok, I calculated and it’s basically one chance out of roughly 131400 different combination possibilities).

Another one happened yesterday; the car I was in happened to pass right in front of the place where he works … Not that big of a deal. Except that right that second, the radio started playing the last song I had heard him sing. Again, I was speechless. Those coincidences were starting to get far trickier than the easy ones I had seen before.

So now what? Let’s assume they’re some kind of signs from whoever/whatever/wherever. All clearly pointing to this one person in a way I could not possibly avoid it, yet subtle and private enough for no one else around to notice. I haven’t seen him in years though. So why does life keep rubbing it in my face?

Since the level of freakishness of all those synchronicities got me thinking on a more spiritual level (and I really tried to stay as clear headed as possible), I started looking for more spiritual answers. As I read my way through several pages, I systematically bumped into the subject of soul-mates. Soulmates are such a vast topic though, I’m not sure I even want to go there. One thing is certain though: unless this is some kind of big cosmic joke, I keep being hit in the head by massive arrows pointing right at him. And if there is a purpose or point behind all this, I guess I would logically have to react to them … and the only obvious reaction would be to get back in touch with him, I suppose.

But how crazy is that? Someone I haven’t spoken to in years. Hello awkward. Although at this point I’m starting to be really curious as to what would happen if I actually did initiate contact. Would the coincidences stop? Would there be a lesson to learn down the road? What’s the point of it all?

I’m still searching …

• Read the outcome here (as well as everything that happened in between).
  (added November 27th 2008)