This song’s been a hit on my radio for a while now. I never actually paid attention to the lyrics until yesterday, and found it quite funny how it would be the perfect theme song for us all here lol

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Alright, I read all my past posts yesterday, then gave myself a whole day to digest it all, and now that’s been done, I have firmly decided to do something about the situation. Being a passive spectator of all those freaky coincidences no longer suffices, and I feel I must now react and do something about it to finally make things move forward. If not to be with him, then at least for my own curiosity’s sake, and the satisfaction of finding out the truth behind it all. I am determined to figure out whether this phenomenon really is a cluster of “signs”, or simply tricks of our imagination.

I Googled the subject some more today, and found the results quite frustrating. I basically found:

• people who were in the same situation as me and wondered what was happening to them
• New Age websites continuously mixing up synchronicities with soulmates, claiming they are well understood facts, and seriously explaining how they’re linked to past lives …. blah blah

Uhm, no. Those aren’t answers. And while the past lives topic seriously makes me cringe, I also have to face the fact that it doesn’t look like regular every day confused people – like you and me – have really looked into this yet, or have even attempted to figure it out. Not even on their own personal level (as I’m aware it’s really hard to generalize conclusions and apply them to everybody, since every life is different). I’m no expert in anything, and neither are the people who come to this website looking for answers. New Age theories bore me, and they are actually quite pointless. Because what matters is finding out how far things can really go in real life and in practice. I will find out soon whether my proactive reaction to these synchronicities is the dumbest mistake ever or an amazing leap of faith with great results.

As mentioned in my very first post about the subject: I am very careful about the whole soulmate concept, and I don’t feel comfortable labeling my experience as such yet. The facts are: I have consistently bumped into coincidences revolving around the same person, sometimes to an almost surreal point, but that’s all I know for now, and that’s all I’m gonna have to work with.

I have decided to handle this very objectively, and although it may be hard, I have to keep myself on track without getting carried away by emotions. At least within reason … :p I will now explain my 2-step list of how I’m planning to handle it, and concretely react and take control of the situation.

- Step 1: Keeping in touch with reality
I started a file on my desktop; it’s a list of all the memories I have involving him, back when we interacted on a daily basis. I found it vital to put it all down, and remember the good and the bad days. What felt great, and what felt bad. What he did, and what he didn’t do. What I said, and what he said. Every memory is a precious piece of my puzzle. I realized I had only kept a limited number of memories in mind, which gave me a rather narrow view of what the real situation was several years ago. The rest had been pushed so far back in my head that I had almost forgotten it completely, and now that I have started this list, memories are slowly starting to pop back up. Things I had completely forgotten, interesting memories that didn’t seem meaningful back then and which now look like they might actually be quite important. Our memory is selective, it’s important to gear it back into wide open/neutral mode. Because every piece matters. It also makes me realize that things with him have never been a flawless fairytale, and that certain things did go wrong. They went wrong for a reason. I don’t know all the reasons yet, but this list is slowly helping me figure them out. To my biggest surprise, it has also made me realize my own flaws. Things I didn’t handle right, opportunities I didn’t take when I had the chance to, partly because I was too young and inexperienced. They’re things I know now, and mistakes I wouldn’t make again, and that is already a valuable lesson.

- Step 2: The plan
Since all those coincidences seem to be centered around this one person, only one reaction sticks out as the most obvious: getting back in touch with him, somehow. He seems to be the center of it all, so I must get to the core of this; which is him. I made a list of all the different ways I could possibly contact him:
- I have his phone number
- I have his e-mail address at work
- We have a friend in common (although she doesn’t seem to see him much anymore)
- I live near his work
- He plays in a local band; which has a website with future gigs listed

These are all possibilities for me to either meet him or get in touch with him. Now I have to weed through the list, and decide which would be the most appropriate options and put them in that order. For instance, I dumped the e-mail at the bottom, because it’s stupid to even consider it … “Hello, I just found your work e-mail address and figured I’d say hello … after almost a decade”. Awkwarddd. It also screams “lame and pathetic”, because hiding behind a screen has never been too memorable.

I put our common friend at the top of the list, because it’s a nice way of getting back in touch with people. It’s not awkward and it flows more naturally. So I think I’ll try to push things in that direction first and see how it goes. If it fails, I’ll move on to option 2, and so on. I’m still not sure I’d want to go as far down as e-mailing him though, hahah!

It also feels important to me not to strictly consider him in a romantic way, because maybe there is another purpose behind it all. And although I admit he does look really appealing to me, I have already accepted that we could simply be friends, and that would be perfectly okay.

I have also decided to use this blog as my little motivation diary. It’s easier to stick to things and get them done correctly when you write them down and share them publicly. I’m sure I’ll need. First step for me now: calling our common friend. I haven’t spoken to her in a while, so we should definitely meet up for a drink soon, and then I’ll have to play it by ear as far as he’s concerned. Fingers crossed!

Something strange happened last night.

I had spent the day analyzing this whole situation and wondering how to go about maybe contacting him. I initially thought I should decide to either do something about it, or just let it go once and for all. A friend of mine (my only confident actually) then told me that it would probably be best to try first, and then only move on if it doesn’t work out. Which I suppose makes sense.

So, since desperate needs call for desperate measures, I sat down and, uhm, I prayed (I don’t do that very often!). Yikes, I feel a bit nerdy for even admitting I did lol Those coincidences had all been too disturbing to me. Each single one of them. It was like something had grabbed me and went “Look!”. Again, and again, and again. And every time, I gasp and wonder, and every new one adds more questions to the table, which has now reached an overwhelming level.

So I prayed, and I asked for something. I asked: if all those coincidences were really hints sent from somewhere, if they were actually meaningful and had a purpose, then I wanted just one last sign. Not involving his name, nor his birthday, nor a song, nor anything like that. I wanted something strong and impossible to avoid; just one last sign, almost like an omen confirming that this is indeed the path I should follow. (Well, don’t I sound highly dramatic now?)

The day passed, evening started, then night settled in. I was answering some e-mails past midnight when suddenly the lights in the back of the room started flickering. Then the lamp next to me started flickering too, and as I heard an electric noise, the power suddenly went out. I stood up in the dark and saw nothing through the window, the entire neighborhood had gone black. I opened the window and it was so abnormally silent outside, all the lights had gone out, it was like a frozen scene. Then suddenly an alarm went off a few streets down, I looked in that direction and saw lots of smoke rising from behind the roofs. I looked behind me, my dog was sitting on the bed looking at me, he seemed calm. I looked back outside, the whole area was dead. It’s usually a well lit, active place, with lots of cars and people passing, both day and night. I had never seen it like that. It was totally dark and silent, and plain surreal. The alarm was echoing from the distance, and then stopped. My window was still wide open, so I sat at the window sill and looked around. The wind started blowing my hair around, it felt so eerie. Clouds started moving faster and smoke was coming our way, and for the first time in this street, the only sound I could hear was the trees swaying in the dark. I stood up and walked to the bed where I sat down, I frowned and I wondered. Then I heard the fire truck passing, it quickly faded and stopped, I looked up and saw some ashes flying past the window … it was eerie, almost haunting.

Maybe this was my sign. Or maybe I’m crazy. I don’t know anymore.

Well, it’s been months since I’ve written here. A little update on my last entry, which was centered around soulmates and synchronicities … I haven’t actually contacted him, and I’m not planning to right now. I can’t wrap my little head around a decent reason to. It’s weird and it’s awkward, and just the thought of it makes me shiver. I’ve also questioned myself a lot, as this whole story makes me wonder whether I might have some psychological issue that involves me not being able to let go of the past, or something … There must be a medical term for that, I’m sure. I mean, it’s been nearly a decade for Christ’s sake. And why now? Why? Why did it suddenly all come back to me? And why have those coincidences started 8 months ago? I mean, the past years had been perfectly fine and quiet, and it’s not like I even thought of him anymore. I can honestly say that I was totally over it and had completely moved on to something else, and I was perfectly happy with that. So now, what the hell?

Off the top of my head, here’s a quick list of some freaky things that happened to me since my last post:

• In March, all the computers at work strangely set themselves to his birth year. We didn’t notice right away, but customers slowly started complaining that their invoices weren’t dated right. I figured it was just some random glitch, until we got flooded with hundreds of angry messages. And it quickly spread to the entire system. It then spontaneously fixed itself after 2 days, before we could even figure out what had caused it. That year popped up all over the place for two whole days, it was literally insane.
• There’s another guy I used to have a bit of a crush on … I looked him up a few months ago and noticed he was using a fake name online (I suppose to protect his privacy, which I understand) … Well, his fake full name turns out to be my middle name + Mr. Synchronicity’s last name. I gasped when I saw it! I have no idea how he came up with that combination, but in any case, it is disturbing how he just pulled it out of the blue. I never even told him any of this, because we were never that close, but yeah, that fake name gives me chills. Needless to say I clicked away fast! -ugh-
• A couple more weird things happened after that, but it involves too specific details to mention here.
• And last week, the name of his band (which is a quite uncommon word; I even had to look up the meaning lol) was mentioned to me in 3 different situations, the very same day. The first time, I didn’t think much of it. The second time, I thought it was funny. The third time, I was officially creeped out.

I don’t know what to make of it all. I’m sure some people will say I’m reading too much into things. I don’t know, maybe I am. Maybe I should set myself a goal. Like, make up my mind about it, and decide to either get in touch with him soon, or let go now and turn the page for good. It’s obviously bugging me, still, so I’m tempted to go with option 1. I guess I just shouldn’t have any expectations; simply go for it and see where it leads me. If it all turns into a major fiasco, or even nothing at all, then I’ll know for sure that it was just some silly crap in my head. And then I can share it with the hundreds of people who visit this blog (yes, I’m shocked! I didn’t know there were so many of us in this situation lol), and then we can all learn that we’re simply a little sick in the head. Hahah

I wish somebody on the net had actually documented their own personal case already, and drawn objective conclusions to share with the world. It might spare me from some serious embarrassment. I guess I’ll have to find out for myself. I’ll keep you guys updated!